Tag Archives: wives
Note: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, class size will be limited to 8 participants maximum.
Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step-by-step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 p.m.
Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday at 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls and Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. (Note: this class meets at Irish’s Brew Pub on 16th Street)
Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meetings are Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink? Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 6: Learning How to Find Things – Starting with looking in the right places instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours
Class 7: Health Watch — Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 8: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Class 9: Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly while she parallel parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.
Class 10: Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Class 11: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing techniques. Proper techniques for holding her purse.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM at the outlet mall food court.
Class 12: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going to be Late. (Sending Christmas cards will be offered in an advanced course this Fall.) Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine.”
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.) Whatever : Is a women’s way of saying ‘I’m right, just not in the mood to argue’.
9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3. Then you RUN!
JUST BEWARE….STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN…THEN STOP, DROP AND ROLL….