Rules for the caregiver…


Being a caregiver is not an easy job.  It means putting someone else’s needs before your own.  It means becoming selfless.

Paul wrote in Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

I was a caregiver for 15 1/2 years with my son, Clay.  I remember (far too many times) doing things robotically, failing to really see him.  Hurrying to finish one task so I could finish more.  Sigh….

So, I’ve come up with some guidelines to be sure we are ‘looking to the interests of others’ and not just checking off a box on our To Do List.

1.  SHOW UP – Really be there. Are you listening to your child?  Start your day fresh.  Begin with prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to show you their needs.  Are you rushing through your duties?  Pay attention to what you are doing and drop your phone, in fact, drop everything.  Put your needs aside and remember you are on their schedule, not yours.  Watch their body language.  You, as their mother and caretaker, know them better than anyone.  You could possibly be their only mode of communication with others so you need to be ready to voice their concerns.  If you are texting, or checking what someone had for lunch on Instagram, you are going to miss a special time with your child.

2.  CHECK YOUR MIRRORS – I’m sure you’ve noticed on your car door mirrors the sign that reads, “Objects are closer than they appear”.  Let’s go with that for a minute.  Have you checked your mirrors?  What about your face…what about your body language? What does your face say when your little one needs you in the middle of the night….again? Are you walking into their room with anger because you’re not sleeping?  Guess what?  They aren’t sleeping either.  Don’t you think that a quality night of sleep is something they want too?? For children with special needs the difficulty is compounded by their limited control over their bodies and problems with communication.  Try to empathize.  They are looking to you, their mother, their caregiver for help.  Does your face show anger?  Stop. Is that the look you would want to see when you are in pain or afraid?  Pray with your little one and remind him that Jesus loves him and will never, ever leave him.  Let him feel the sense of peace that has overtaken your mind and spirit.  The way you relate to him will influence how well he can cope with his own fears.  In Luke 12:6 Jesus says that God doesn’t forget even a single sparrow – How much more does He care for us?  Our circumstances – our child – our life has been ordained by God.  God does nothing…or allows nothing…without a purpose.

3.  CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET  – Get rid of anger, impatience, and other respectable or subtle sins.  Worry is a sin.  I know, it doesn’t seem like a very big sin….but sin is sin.  I also know that as a mother of a special needs child, it is very easy to worry about their future and what would happen to them if you were not around.  I get it.  But there are ways to insure your child can have the best care if you were, let’s say, unavailable… It is going to take a bit of work, but trust me.  THIS is important.

Begin with a daily schedule.  Write down every single thing you do starting with  walking into their bedroom in the morning (do you sing to him when you see him?  Are you the mom that says, “Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey”??) Write it down!  That may be the little something that your child looks forward to each morning!  Do you open the blinds?  Write it down!  At bathtime, do you lay his clothes out on the bed or take them into the bathroom?  Does he help with his bath or brushing his teeth?  Does he like a little, tiny speck of toothpaste and  can he comb his own hair?  See?  These are little things that you do each day and probably do a bit robotically.  The point is that someone else needs to be able to walk into his room and do these things exactly as you do them.  These small things can be the difference between a good and bad day for your little one.  Keep his daily schedule in a folder to make it easy for someone to take your place in case you are sick or gone.  Yay!  One less worry!

4.  STORE UP SUPPLIES – Memorize scripture!  This is our ammunition against:

a) discouragementJohn 14:1, “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in me.”

b) worry  – 1 Peter 5:7, “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

c) lonelinessPsalm 147:3, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

d) depression2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Play Christian music.  Let God’s peace rule in their hearts!  There are beautiful CD’s of Scripture Lullabies that can be played throughout the day.  Where loud, chaotic music can excite and frustrate little ones, peaceful scripture music can soothe.  And you are putting God’s Word in their hearts!

Read your Bible out loud to your child.  Children love stories and Bible stories have such truth about God and how much He loves little children.  When you are filling your cup (which is almost always empty) you are filling theirs too.  Enjoy the nearness of God.

5.  TURN ON THE LIGHTS – Reflect Jesus!  Be an encourager because everyone loves praise!  Tell your special child how he has the sweetest smile and tell him why you love him so very much! Remind him that as much as you love him, Jesus loves him even more!  Read Psalm 139 and let him know he is “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

How much time does your little one spend in his room?  Open the curtains, clean up the room and make it a relaxing place to be.  Place all the little stuffed animals and bright toys where he can reach them.  Use a laundry basket on the floor so they can also be picked up easily and placed back inside.  Does your child love flowers?  Don’t wait for a special occasion.  Place colorful, happy flowers in a vase where they can be easily seen.  If you don’t have access to fresh flowers, cut them out of magazines to paste in a book or on the wall where he can see them.  The important thing is to have a clean, joyful room; a room where he feels safe, loved and protected.

6.  LIFT WEIGHTS – Get rid of anger and get rid of guilt.  As mothers, we are very prone to those guilty feelings of “its my fault”, or “if only” thoughts.  Don’t be paralyzed by your past.  It’s over.  It’s done.  Let’s move on.  Give thanks in all circumstances.  Ephesians 5:20 says, “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Guilt means you’ve done something wrong.  We all have some sort of guilt over something we did or didn’t do in our past.  That’s why we see so many people turn to alcohol, drugs or some other ‘numbing’ vice.  Our desire is to push it back and forget it somehow.

The effects of guilt are toxic.  The last thing we want to do, as mothers, is project any of our guilt onto our little ones.  Here are some examples of the effects:

  • feelings of rejection
  • projection of your feelings onto other people
  • inability to say no
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • blame shifting…etc.

Until we truly understand what Christ did for us 2000 years ago – we will never be set free!! Jesus paid the price for that sin and you don’t have to live under that condemnation!  (Read Romans 3:9-11, 24, and 27.)  Understand your wrongs and accept God’s forgiveness.  He is extending grace and mercy to you, and once you ask Him for forgiveness, in the spirit of Frozen, LET IT GO! When it comes back to mind, take it as an opportunity to thank God again for this gift of forgiveness.  Satan would love to keep throwing this back at you – but as Daughters of the King, we have His grace, His mercy and His forgiveness.  You don’t need to keep asking for forgiveness for the same sin over and over.  Have you ever been with someone that re-hashes the same old, tired story over and over?  Imagine what God is hearing when we keep bringing up our same old, tired story to Him!  One and done, people!!

When you realize the forgiveness that comes with being a Christian and accepting Him into your life, you can stand taller… can smile longer….and you will have a light about you that no one can put out!  THAT is what your child needs to see!!  THAT is what you want to see in your mirror each morning and that is something your family needs to see also.  When we pair our positive thoughts and ideas into our children about their importance and about God’s love and forgiveness, we will change.

Simple rules.  Undying love.



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special kids, chosen moms…


Finally!  I have finally finished writing a book that has my blood, sweat, tears and more tears all over it.  (ok, not literally) and it is listed on Amazon HERE.

If you didn’t know, I had a beautiful child that contracted Group B Strep on his 3rd day in this world.  Within weeks we discovered he was blind, had cerebral palsy, a severe seizure disorder and was fed via a G-Tube with a 24 hour feeding pump.  This little guy took over 32 medications a day and decided to stick around for 15 1/2 years!  He was an amazing child that grew to be over 5 feet tall and certainly kept me in shape!

In my book, I am hoping to help other mothers of special needs children as they take care of their own.  It’s a practical guide with information regarding healthcare, schools and respite, organizing the household, travelling and laced with Scriptures throughout.

My own journey was made easier by allowing God to walk with me and help me make it day by day and hour by hour.  I cannot imagine this season in my life without Him to lean on.

Please take a moment to look at the book and let me know what you think.  I’m hoping that by helping mom’s of special needs children physically, that God can lift them up spiritually and lead them closer to His grace.  I want God’s peace to infiltrate your home, your life and the life of your little one.



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freaky friday? these will scare the pants off ya…..


Like ghost stories??  Halloween is almost upon us and those little goblins and ghosts are right around the corner!!

Check out the spooky stories HERE….Wikipedia has officially made it impossible for you to sleep…

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your retirement options…


Here are some retirement options for you….hope this helps..

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your ass from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: 
tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
You can retire to California where…
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ….
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can retire to Minnesota where…
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is “He is different, she is different or It was different!
You can retire to The Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: 
Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everywhere is either: “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder”.
You can retire to Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to the Nebraska where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition:
“Where’s my coat at.
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

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Oh…mercy, mercy me…..




Five thirty comes pretty early in the morning.  I barely opened my eyes to see the clock glaring at me with it’s big red numbers.  “It’s time to get up, sleepy-head” it screams…”I know, I know…”, I mumble.

It’s time to start the day.  No, I don’t have a paying job; however, I do have an important job!  This is the time that I have set up to read my Bible and have a quiet time with my Lord.  I would be lying if I said that I popped out of bed and ran to the office and began singing praises.

No, I shuffle to the kitchen and power up the Keurig for my morning jolt of coffee, splash in some milk and retreat to my little space where I meet with God.  And oh what a difference a day makes, when you meet with Him early.

There is a window in my office that looks out to my front porch (but not out onto the street…that would be too much of a distraction) and I raise the shade just enough to see the little birds playing in the grass and flowerbeds.  Here, I find Him.  Not that he wasn’t with me in the bedroom, or watching me in the kitchen…no, here is where I acknowledge His presence and thank Him again for all my blessings.

This morning I learned about mercy.  God extends His mercy and forgives sin even to someone as undeserving as myself.  And today…only a few hours after my devotion time, I was put to the test.

I got my feelings hurt.  I was made to feel unworthy and when this happened, as much as I wanted to lash out….I remembered my verse:

James 2:12-13   “Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom,  because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. 

Mercy triumphs over judgment”


There it was.  Mercy triumphs over judgment.

And yes, I had come up with so many snazzy (polite word for sarcastic) responses to throw back at my accuser.  But (praise God) I met with Him early and His Word was in my heart and still fresh in my mind.

Mercy triumphs over judgment.

The dictionary defines mercy as, compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one’s power; compassion, pity, or benevolence’.

I had a choice to make in those few seconds, after the hurt.  I could keep my sarcastic words and facial expressions to myself, thereby extending mercy, which is what Christ did/does for me, or I could let my actions show that I don’t put into practice what I just read only hours earlier.

I chose mercy.  I kept my mouth closed.  I kept my posture from conveying anger.  I quietly talked to God and thanked Him for His Word, ‘mercy triumphs over judgment’

Knowing His grace and kindness and mercy makes me eager to obey.

Meet with Him early, friends.  Store His Word in your heart.  Don’t let your feelings justify your decisions.  He is ready to display His greatness through our own inadequacies.






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all those googling eyes…

images  You do realize you’re being watched, right?

Not just by your children, but by your peers also.


Ok, people, let’s back up.  Your peer is anyone on your level.  When you were a child, your parent organized your play dates.  Now that you are an adult, I’m sure you are deciding just who is in your inner circle that you want to spend time with.

As Christians, we are being watched by all eyes, and not just those in our safe little circles.  People are looking to us to see how we handle certain situations and to question the validity of our faith.  Unfortunately, some people are just watching and waiting for our world to crumble to have the satisfaction of saying, “I knew it!  She’s just like me!” 

I AM!  I AM JUST LIKE YOU!  I get bothered, I get angry and I can get really sad, too.  But here’s the difference.  We (as Christians) have the Holy Spirit to remind

Romans 12:2 says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (NLT)

I am so thankful that I have a gracious God that knows what I need.  Nothing I have experienced has escaped His eyes.  I was chosen to have a special needs child.  I was chosen to love and protect him for 15 1/2 years.  He chose ME! 

On a much grander scale, God created the whole universe!  He chose to breathe it into existence!  I cannot even begin to comprehend the love He has for me and that reminds me to:

  • stop complaining
  • stop being fearful
  • stop being aggressive
  • stop doubting

It’s in our human nature to let our days consume us, but it’s in our God given nature to allow the Holy Spirit to free us from those burdens!  So, yes, I am like you.  I will stumble a lot on my path, but God is filled with mercy and His love picks me up and carries me on my way!

And THAT, my friend, is what I hope YOU see.



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Bubbles and more bubbles…

imageSo today finds me flying to Houston to hinder  help my parents move into their new digs. Literally in the air as we speak…thank you in-flight wifi.

It won’t be a long post because I have a delightful breakfast on the way. (Surely they can’t screw up oatmeal, right?)’s my dilemma. Actually, there are two.

First of all, I have to go to the bathroom but the gentleman in front of me has leeeeeeaned his chair back so far, I am about 1 inch from a suspicious mole on his scalp. Second, the woman sitting across the aisle has a Kindle.  The pickle I’m in is this…she has a clear protective cover on the front and it has many bubbles. Not only are there zillions of bubbles, but the top corner is also coming unstuck. It is daring me to lean out into the aisle and set it free.

I can’t stop looking at that corner…It’s practically waving and mocking me.  And yes, I’m the girl, who,  if invited to your house and has a teeny bit of wallpaper coming loose…….well, you know what I would do, and I apologize in advance.


So, I am going to try to wash down this oatmeal  and close my eyes.


Pray she doesn’t go to the bathroom, because that cover is mine…




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